Serendipity

goes around…

No worries, this post is not going to be of a vindictive nature. Things have been going through my mind in the past few days, and after talking it through to a few of my buddies, some of which I’ve never chatted in so much depth with, I feel so much better. =)

It is my first time that a relationship failed for reasons beyond two persons, I’m still learning to cope with it. Bleak as it seems, I’ll not resort to doing silly things or feel revengeful.

Just remember, what comes around, goes around. If people are willing to sacrifice a friendship for a relationship that might not even work out, it’s good to see their mentality before it’s too late.

Seriously, it’s not too big of a price to pay for me, since I got to see the true colours of someone who took away something that did not belong to me anymore. If I say I’m not hurt, I would be lying to you. If I say I have gotten over the whole thing, I would be lying to you as well.

Upon these few days of self-reflection, I know I wasn’t of girlfriend material, and this outcome is somewhat predictory. He treated me well, and that is something I’ll always remember. =) There are tons of things that would remind me of him, though the person is gone from my side, I’ll always remember the care and love he showed. =) The love for him has transcend beyond tangible possession. Hence, I’ll wish him happiness in what he’s seeking now. =) If our love made you and me a better person for the next relationship, isn’t it a good thing?

They say you learn something new from each new experience, and it’s true, I do learn something. =)

Like Noel said, love in the recent years has become too much of a materialistic nature, it is not as simple as it was before. Timing and trust are the two most important characteristics in any relationship, platonic or not.

Previously I was self-blaming for the "timing" issue, like why I had rejected when my heart says to go for it, but now I do realise, that it’s not my fault for letting go [of his hands?]. What’s yours, will be yours eventually. Even if we were back together, things that are supposed to happen, would still happen, right? Hehe.

I believe they had already fallen for each other long before I regained singlehood, in a way, I’m their matchmaker. If things really work out between them eventually, I should be glad. Afterall, it’s better to let go for happiness to follow the one I loved. =) I have a friend whose good friend "stole" his girlfriend and in the end they got married, have a happy marriage and some kids. Why make 3 people miserable when you can have all 3 of them happy [given enough time]? =)

No doubt, it is indeed going to take me some time to get over this, and it’s certainly going to take more than 2 weeks, but time heals all wounds. I reiterate, time…heals…ALL…wounds!

*****

It’s interesting to follow through a relationship from a third-party’s perception. People break up for the same reasons they got together for. You love someone for her ability to care and show selfless concern for you, when you break up, it’s because of her possessiveness.

You love someone who’s very well-liked and popular, but you all break up because of her not having too much time for you. Get what I mean? ;D

And I quote Noel [again], "love cannot be defined, it isn’t about why, or what makes you like or love a person".

It goes beyond gender, demography, tangibility. It is not a scoresheet where you would judge how much you love a person. "This person has this xxx trait, let’s add some points for him".

"This person has yyy trait, yucks, let’s minus some points!"

Love is about the holistic completeness and acceptance for who their partners are. Haven’t you heard some people say that they would not prefer their partners to have certain traits, but when they truly found the people they love, their criteria get stashed away?

*****

I’ve told you that this is affecting me so much that I cannot work anymore, part of it is true to a certain extent, but the other part of my decision is because I want to nurse back my health.

Coming from where I work where the people are seriously very demanding, and my tendency to inflict self-stress, I ought to take a break from work and do the things I enjoy doing, and catch up with friends, family and such.

Stress is increasing my blood pressure, and in turn, causes my immune system to break down, and letting me fall sick easily. When I fall sick, I cannot complete my work and this brings in more stress! Vicious cycle, eh?

*****

I’ll let nature take its own course, and I’ll learn to let go. =) It’s not going to be soon, but since I’ve thought things through, there’s no point in holding onto something when there’s no reciprocation!

I’ll definitely enjoy this freedom. =) And for you, my darling, the one that I so loved, happiness and good health are two things that I want from you. Since I’m not capable of giving these to you, I’m sure you are right to seek them elsewhere. Just know that I’ve never regretted loving you, and will continue to do so, as a friend. =) I love all my friends, even those who betrayed me, for it gives me an experience that I’ll learn how to deal with, in the future. =) Thank you.

I’ll leave everything as it is. Winning is not that important, after all. =)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 27th, 2005 at 11:22 pm and is filed under Inner Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.